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A Balanced Life

Picking up the Copperpot on paint day at school (note the purple hair!) After coming back to work part time a month after I had the Copperpot, I was exhausted, shell shocked, and hyper aware of how tiny my baby still was. I couldn't fathom leaving her in anyone's arms but her grandmothers, and I was extremely lucky that those women took on that task so willingly in those early months to allow me to go back to work and try and figure things out.  When the maternity leave ran out and my baby was still tiny, despite the huge decision ahead of me, it wasn't even a decision. I couldn't send my newborn to a giant daycare. Or a babysitter. That's not to say that I think women who do are less good mothers - in fact, I think they're 100 times stronger and braver than I will ever be.  So I decided to quit my office job and pursue my side project of freelance writing as full time as time would allow while still being home with the critter. In just a few mont
Recent posts

Utah Lake Adventure and Other Musings.

It's been a wonderful fall. It seemed every tree has burst out in bright, hypnotizing gold this year, with hardly any red or orange, and I've been able to witness a lot of it. I'm immensely grateful to have the sort of work/life schedule where I can go out and enjoy the crisp air and changing colors and shocking beauty of fall. Unlike other years where I've had to tamp down my agony about the colder weather, for once, I was happy to put the summer behind me and walk into the future. In all honestly, this past spring and summer were maybe the most difficult I've traversed in my happy, comfortable first-world life. It's been a bit of a transition, leaving behind a good career and bustling office for a better career but lonelier landscape. Saying goodbye to my mare and finding her a better fit ultimately led to me taking a break from what has been an emotional, physical, social, therapeutic outlet and passion for me for many years, which in turn meant losing re

Day 1 - Mesa Verde

It is so easy to get stuck in a rut when you have a 6-month-old baby because your entire life is beholden to the routine. This many feedings, that many naps, an hour of tummy time, 8-10 diapers a day. Paradoxically, not one of the big things in my life remotely resembles how my life looked just a few months ago: I quit the more predictable of my 2 jobs, committed fully to freelance writing, and moved barns twice in as many months before selling my horse altogether. It's not all bad, but it is sort of a lot to absorb. Perhaps the worst of all right at the end was the genuinely suffocating inversion smog that fogged the throats, brains, and hearts of every citizen on the Wasatch Front this past week. It was a heavy, translucent monster swallowing up the good nature of our family, and we needed to make a break for it. So against all odds, despite the vows we've taken to uphold the routine, we piled the tiny family into the car and headed south for the long weekend and a m

Big Mac.

Today I got a Big Mac. I haven't been eating much meat lately and even less beef, but it's kind of a tradition for me to get one after a major horse event.  Today, that major horse event was getting Itxa on a trailer and saying goodbye.  It may or may not be a permanent situation, but it's a significant step in untangling myself from a several year relationship that just hadn't gone how I had hoped. There's not a single part of me that isn't shattered, gutted, disappointed. It's not that I feel like a failure- it's that I failed her. I have only loved a couple things in this world more than I loved that mare, but years of hard work and all my love couldn't make her happy. It couldn't fix whatever unknown trauma she has endured. Five of the best trainers I've ever known could get her roughly compliant, but never happy, and never fully trustworthy. There was always something dark lurking there that we could not fix.  She is now in her last ditc

Instagram 1.20.2016

We rescued what was left of this saddle from the barn of my husband's great grandfather, and it now proudly hangs in our daughter's nursery. The Jacksons ran cattle and sheep in Southern Utah for decades, and we feel lucky that we can share that legacy with the next generation through this treasured relic. #horsenation #cowgirltough A photo posted by Lorraine (@lorraine.jackson) on Jan 19, 2016 at 11:36am PST

Instagram 1.16.2016

Our microwave broke, and in my desperation to enjoy the Indian curry leftovers in our fridge, I bought the nearest cheap microwave on KSL that would meet me today. And only when I got home did I realize I had acquired the EXACT. SAME. MICROWAVE. Manufactured 3 months apart. Will it break in 3 months? Don't care, I got my curry. 🍛🍚🍲 A photo posted by Lorraine (@lorraine.jackson) on Jan 16, 2016 at 3:53pm PST