The Bachelor #7:Sharks, and Dumb, Pretty Fish Who Cannot Fend For Themselves (I am rooting for the Shark).
Lacey: I'm glad you're back! What should we talk
about?
Lorraine: Oh boy lacey. an EPIC week in the life
of Benjagirls. that's of course their
names until he picks his one and only.
It's so close I can taste it!
Lacey: It's crazy that we're already this far
into it. It snuck up on me!
Lorraine: I know, I feel like we went from 9
girls to 4 in 2 episodes. It was a bachelor heart massacre.
Lacey: In fact, I feel like the season has been
so focused in on Courtney drama, I was genuinely surprised this week to see that
he has other relationships. When he and Lindzi were all cozy in the helicopter I
was thinking, "Wait. Do they know each other?" It's weird.
Lorraine: haha, I have a spoiler alert for you.
He doesn't know any of them! gasp! shock! awe!
Lacey: Ain't that the gospel truth.
Lorraine: I feel like there are these giant over
arching relationship conversations that you have at some point, which Ben has
had with none of these people. Like, what do you do for a living?
What sort of architecture do you like?
do you eat anything other than champagne?
Lacey: And when the girls pour out their hearts
and tell him their tragic life stories, he just sits there silently with
furrowed brow, and nods.
Lorraine: hahah, that furrowed brow. I am embarrassed at how well I can read his
expressions, and how easy it is to tell the second he stops feeling a
girl
But back to Lindzi, I was basically pleased with her
date, other than that abhorrent love note.
I didn't realize how dependent these people are on having the producers
feed them stuff until they had to write something on their own.
Lacey: They definitely should have stuck with the
illustration only.
Lorraine: ha! TRUTH.
Lacey: She got to try the tread water and make
out at the same time trick. In later seasons that's going to be a Bachelor
pre-requisite skill.
Lorraine: that and doing things you don't want to
do from very high up and being kissed by a man-ho as your only consolation. I want to root for Lindzi because she's the
horse girl, but she is by far the worst cliche offender. "fall for him" "warm
fuzzies"
Lacey: She
got "The Case of the Butterflies in My Stomach" which was my favorite Nancy Drew
novel growing up. Buh dum
ching.
Lorraine: hahahahhahah OUCH.
Lacey: Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all
week!
Lorraine: (golf clapping)
Lacey: Besides her zombie lips and weirdly
croaking voice, she seems like a nice girl.
And you have to respect her for being so drama free.
Lorraine: absolutely. and GOLLY, the makeup just gets worse. Good thing Ben is a dude, because even though we women think she looks crazy, dudes totally don't notice.
Lacey: Who was next? Emily?
Lorraine: yup.
Lacey: What did they even do? It must have been
very boring.
Lorraine: they had the walking and lobster date,
which took me back to the days of Brad and Chantelle, when he took her on all
the "fun" dates.
Lacey: Oh that's right! And they just happened to
meet a local fisherman who volunteered to take them out on his boat. Funny how
easily that worked out…
Why must they insult our intelligence by insisting these
things are spontaneous? I'll never understand.
Lacey: That's bleak if it's true.
Lorraine: and again, even though she is
pretending to be totally over it, she spends her whole date talking about
Courtney. by FAR my favorite part of
the Emily date was the winning Ben quote of "I know smart women don't always
like to be called smart, so, you're a beautiful woman."
hahahahhahahahaha
SMOOTH, BEN.
Lacey: Evidently the only thing worse than the
Friend Card is the Smart Card.
Lorraine: She pretty much filled
both.
Lacey: May she rest in peace.
Lorraine: Amen.
Lacey: Then the date with the Marvelous
Manipulative Model. She is so good. She
knows exactly what to say to get Ben scrambling after her.
Lorraine: or as coined by Kacie, the blankiest
piece of person.
Lacey: I loved how indignant all the girls were
when that date card was read. They are so fed up.
Lorraine: They are so pathetic. They have got to
get over it. Notice that the calm, low drama girls have nothing to contribute to
this conversation. In fact, Blakely even said in her post-kickoff People interview that she thought Courtney was nice.
it's only the emotionally weak that are getting worked
over, and if they self destruct over something like Courtney pushing their
buttons, then they're not ready for marriage. Dan leaving his shoes all over the house, THAT's a button.
Lacey: I have to say of all the dates so far,
that is the one I'd want to go on. The massive temple in the jungle looked
amazing! I want to go there sooooo bad.
Lorraine: It was gorgeous. And I'm sure a whole
lot of erroneous history made up about it on Ben's part hahah
I thought their little moment at the top was kind of real
and sweet. I think her relationship with Ben is as real as any relationship
could be on the bachelor, which isn't saying much, but I think she
purposefully messes with the girls while she continues doing well with Ben. and
their connection is clearly strong.
I get such a kick out of her haha
Lacey: I think her toying with him and keeping
him in chase mode is really rotten. But I know we're always going to disagree on
this Courtney business.
At this point I think she's going to win this thing. My
only question is why would the producers spend an entire season vilifying their
heroine? What is Mike Fleiss doing?! I don't like evil geniuses messing with
me!
Plus she just goes and picks up a TARANTULA?! What is
that all about? If I'd seen it I would have run away really far, really fast. If
it had touched me I'd have died on the spot. And she just lets it crawl all over
her?!? I was hyperventilating just watching it!
Lorraine: hahahhahaha, ohhhh poor lacey. by touching a tarantula, they have officially made her your mortal enemy for life. I'm so sorry. It's all so clear to me now!!
You should send her a pair of ear
hats and make peace with your nemesis!!!
It's the only way!
Lacey: I wouldn't do her the honor of letting her
have some ear hats! I hope a million spiders crawl into her ears in revenge for
her wrongdoings!
Lorraine: LOL Greater words were ne'er
spoken
Any thoughts on the group date? I fully support the use of bachelorettes as
shark bait. Solid Start.
Lacey: I would have panicked for about 2.5
seconds before I realized that those were nurse sharks, which are essentially
dangerous looking bottom-dwellers.
Kacie really is adorable, and likeable, and I think she
will probably go to the final two with Courtney. Their chemistry is great. I
hope she has a chance to show a little more depth and maturity when she's at
home, though.
*Their chemistry being her and Ben, not her and Courtney
haha. She and Courtney have made-for-TV-magic hatred chemistry.
Lacey: I agree. It'll be nice to see the girls
outside of the Bachelor pressure cooker and be themselves. We may even see a
different side to Courtney when she's not tormenting everyone around her. Maybe she'll stop using 4th grade phrases
like "Oh snap" and "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya".
Lorraine: I hope not! It is so funny watching her get under
America's skin! the 30 second confessional of her shooting guns?
hahahahahha
I want that as my new ring tone.
Lacey: Man oh man. What am I going to do with
you?
Lorraine: It's going to be a cold, quiet family
Sunday dinner this week, I can feel it!
Lacey: Maybe we'll just have to leave all things
Bachelor out of it.
Lorraine: predictions for the Family
Episode?
Lacey: It looked like one of their dads was
skeptical about the whole getting engaged thing. I'm guessing that was
Kacie's. Then someone's mom doesn't
think her daughter is ready for a relationship yet. Lindzi's maybe?
I love when families throw their kids under the bus. Figuratively, obviously.
Lorraine: hahaha, yeah, leave it to mom and dad
to jeopardize your very serious TV relationship! I think you're right that it
was Kacie's dad giving them trouble. She is young, I understand why he'd be more
nervous maybe.
proof that my geekdom knows no bounds.
and...whatever it is that Lindzi did to her
hair...!
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