Excerpts From The Bachelorette

JJ: My pick-up line most of the time is 'Hi, I'm JJ, I'm divorced, have a kid, and live with my parents.'

Amy Schumer: Is that true?

JJ: That's totally true.

[look of sheer and utter glee and delight crosses Amy Schumer's face, takes a swig of white wine.]

JJ: Is that bad, should I not say that?

Amy Schumer: I LOVE THAT.

JJ: Probably I shouldn't try to do that Steven Tyler kickstand on the mic stand?

Amy Schumer: No, I think that's a really, really good idea.

JJ: Sometimes I feel like I'm too smart for like, 90% of the audience. Gets me in trouble.

Amy Schumer: I'm gonna make you feel better. You're not.

[cutaway to Amy Schumer confessional interview]

Amy Schumer: JJ is a sweetheart. He's just missing charisma, humility, and a sense of humor. Basically, you should hire him as your next Bachelor. Maybe when he watches the show he'll reflect back on himself and not....be such a turd.

Comments

Tidings of Comfort, Victory, and GIVEAWAYS!!!!!

1. My Cranberry pie finally won! After a tragic finish at an ugly sweater party, and being overshadowed by the chocolate pecan pie at Thanksgiving, my Nantucket Cranberry Pie (which I took to the next level with a chocolate cream cheese icing) got first place at the office holiday party Top Chef competition. I am happy. 2. I also coincidentally won a caption contest on my favorite horse blog, and for my witty mockery was awarded a gift certificate for horse tack! As I currently don't have a horse of my own, I'm giving it to Camp K. I hope my mother and her 3 horses, 2 mules and 2 donkeys forgive me. But I'm still claiming victory on that one, and relishing in being mentioned on my favorite blog in the same post as my international heroes. 3. GIVEAWAY!!!! I was inspired by a number of blogs giving away x-boxes, TVs, designer handbags, and gift cards to the moon, but I decided that you don't actually need to be rich to share the love. Therefore, I am announc

Instagram 1.29.2016

New chapter, new hashtag. #otherpeopleshorses A photo posted by Lorraine (@lorraine.jackson) on Jan 29, 2016 at 9:12am PST

MotherMare

There is no getting around it: I was indoctrinated at a very young age. I was the baby, and I was the last chance mom had for early imprinting of equine addition (EIEA, pronounced EEEAAAAHHHH!!!) Some people say that it's something you grow into or learn- that it can be cured, that it's a temptation or a lifestyle. While my mother's imprinting certainly aided the illness, I can't help but feel that somehow, in someway, I was born this way. Ergo, my equine birthday tribute to my equine mother- the best kind of tribute. Mom, this shirt is wildly awesome, and if you still own it, you should still wear it. I think I have that hat now. Let me know when you want it back. Little did you know then that I would steal the hat right off your head, did you? Also, you look exactly the same. Gorgeous-like. (also, don't be embarrassed, because I am totally about to embarrass me too, and then we're even.) The horse that started it all. Mom won't mind that s

Search This Blog