Excerpts From The Bachelorette

JJ: My pick-up line most of the time is 'Hi, I'm JJ, I'm divorced, have a kid, and live with my parents.'

Amy Schumer: Is that true?

JJ: That's totally true.

[look of sheer and utter glee and delight crosses Amy Schumer's face, takes a swig of white wine.]

JJ: Is that bad, should I not say that?

Amy Schumer: I LOVE THAT.

JJ: Probably I shouldn't try to do that Steven Tyler kickstand on the mic stand?

Amy Schumer: No, I think that's a really, really good idea.

JJ: Sometimes I feel like I'm too smart for like, 90% of the audience. Gets me in trouble.

Amy Schumer: I'm gonna make you feel better. You're not.

[cutaway to Amy Schumer confessional interview]

Amy Schumer: JJ is a sweetheart. He's just missing charisma, humility, and a sense of humor. Basically, you should hire him as your next Bachelor. Maybe when he watches the show he'll reflect back on himself and not....be such a turd.

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